Making Peace with the Past

Our minds often make it hard to avoid rehashing the past. There is something that tricks us into thinking it will be satisfying to problem solve what could have been. We revisit old wounds. We relive traumas, thinking there will be something therapeutic to gain from the exercise. There is no evidence that this does anything for us, other than to interfere with present growth. You can’t change the past, but you can always be a healthier, happier person right now.

How do you make peace with the past? For many, it starts with taking away the power that it has. This may involve the type of meditation practice you choose. It may also involve a commitment to refocus stressful moments to present solutions, rather than an anchor to past patterns. The goal is to have a healthier relationship with who you are today; or who you want to be today. From a therapeutic standpoint, what are your values? Consider your passions and strengths. What can you do in this moment to give honor to the person you want to be, and not the painful moments that occurred in the past.

To be clear, it is not about denying what has happened to you in the past. It is not about denying the pain that traumatic events caused. It is about reshaping the way you view negative events and stressors now. Rather than tying them to a web of history and past assumptions, it is better to view struggles as current events that you can tackle and overcome based on your abilities and assets. The difference may look like: “This is hard, but I can manage it.” Vs “I have always failed to get over pain.” One path prompts you to review your strengths and resources. The other reminds you of each time you failed.

An ultimate outcome that we look for in therapy is a better ability to be kind to yourself. Learn to treat yourself as you would a close friend who needs support and compassion.